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“Gooood eveneving Cleethorpes!

As an African American woman people often ask me, ‘Melania, what first attracted you to Dr Martin Luther Trump Jnr?’ And you know what I say? I say I just fell in love with his voice. He said to me ‘I have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream, I hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, except of course Mexicans.’

And like me he came up the hard way, it’s a wonder we made it, but only in America eh? Donald and I were raised in hard time Mississippi. Surrounded by four walls that ain’t so pretty. Our parents gave us love and affection. To keep us strong, moving in the right direction. Living just enough, just enough for the city.

Sure we’ve had our regrets, but then again, too few to mention, we did what we had to do, and saw it through without exemption. We’ve had tough times, he said to me just the other day, while threatening me with a comb, ‘No woman No cry’ but only after I’d joked that we were ‘Gonna chase them crazy bald heads outa town’.

My speech writers told me to say that Donald has impressed on me the values that you work hard for what you want in life, and that your word is your bond, but, then Donald said that if you can’t be bothered then copying and pasting is acceptable.

Tonight I want to endorse my husband for President of the United States! He is smart. Street smart and understands better than anyone the creeping surveillance state threatening all our freedoms. On the way to the Convention centre tonight we stopped off at T.J. Maxx to get some new shoes and in the mall there was a map with a sign saying ‘You are here’. ‘How do they know?” he asked.

You see? Donald asks the right questions. The other day he was at a tea party and someone asked how his Presidency would help the country and he said; ‘My fellow tea drinker, ask not what I can do for the country, ask what the presidency can do for me’.

As he was telling CNN the other day, he holds those truths to be self-evident, and that when he makes it to the White House it will be one small step for mankind but one giant step for his kind.

Donald has been working on his convention speech, and although he’s sworn me to secretary I really must just share with you a bit his writers slipped in for the closing passage –

“All TV’s a stage, and all the audience merely voters. They have their exits and their entrances; but this man in his time intends to play at being President”.

My name’s Melania O’Trump, thank you Michelle.  Goodnight!


(As leaked to Tim Marshall)


5 Comments on "That Melania Speech In Full"

  1. mahatmacoatmabag | 19th July 2016 at 2:43 pm | Reply

    Its obvious that Donald Trump did not marry Melania for her intellect nor is it any surprise that a beauty queen married a billionaire businessman either, just bear in mind that the voters will not be voting for her but for Mr. Trump & his abilities and desire to make America great again after seven years of Obamas failed Socialist common purpose policies.

  2. Lesley Lubert | 19th July 2016 at 8:22 pm | Reply

    Totally brilliant Tim, you had me rolling round! Mainly because there was no cool place to sit in. 28 degrees is too hot for me!

    Your piece is probably not too far away from the truth. Most enjoyable, not to mention very clever. But of course there may be trouble ahead, there maybe teardrops to shed. At least they have love and romance. let them face the music and dance, humming a different tune, under the light of the *silvery* moon.

  3. Like Lesley it gave me a chuckle and with Trump sometimes you don’t know whether to laugh or cry. I wonder how many Americans will be thinking Clinton or Trump .Can we have a third option.

    I find all the hype, aggression, posturing and personal attacks so depressing. We see mostly the staunch Trump Supporters interviewed but I wonder what the average American thinks if there is such a thing as an average American.

  4. Peter Kennedy | 22nd July 2016 at 12:18 pm | Reply

    Is there an average American? Well, I know a handful of them and they tend to occupy a wide swath of the political spectrum. No family names here to protect their privacy

    Wes is a retired engineer living in the Northwest. Disgusted with the entire process he told me that in November he will either submit a spoiled ballot paper or just not bother voting. He regards Clinton as corrupt and Trump as an idiot.

    Harold still works in the oil industry and lives on a small ranch in Texas. He regards both President Obama and Hillary Clinton as the next best thing to the Antichrist and will be voting for Donald. Stick a Republican flag on a duck and Harold would vote it into the White House.

    Trish is a female Electronics Engineer living in Alabama. She told me a couple of weeks ago that Donald Trump is the man who will “make America great again” but when I pressed her on details she couldn’t remember anything apart from the wall to keep the Mexicans out.

    This isn’t a fair sample because all three people happen to be engineers of one sort or another, that’s one statistical red flag right there, but I think that we might be seeing a Republican President in the White House.

    • Thanks for that Peter. I have only heard anecdotal evidence from a few friends and one says they know people who do not know who to vote for as they do not like either alternative. I think you may be right about having a republican President in the White House even after he seems to have seemingly alienated so many too.

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