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US Shocked at French Shock At Spy Shock.

French government officials have announced they are shocked(!) at the sheer volume of statements they are having to make pretending to be shocked at the news that the USA has been spying on them.

A source in the Elysee Palace told the W&Y ‘It is ridiculous how much work this is causing us. We had to tell our Foreign Ministry and embassy staff to pretend to be shocked, and then we had to ring up all the newspapers to give them quotes as to how shocked we are”

An official at the spy agency the DGSE said ’ The shocking problem for us is that drawing attention to the fact that the Americans spy on us might mean people start asking if we actually spy on people as well, and then they will remember the 2013 story when Le Monde accused us of spying on the entire French nation, emails, telephones calls, Facebook – the lot’.

Former Foreign Minister Bernard Kouchner is thought to be shocked that at a time when the Government was so busy being shocked people should draw attention to his remarks from the previous time it was claimed the Americans spied on France (2013) when he said “”Let’s be honest, we eavesdrop too. Everyone is listening to everyone else. But we don’t have the same means as the United States, which makes us jealous. ”

A spokesman for the US National Security Council, did not tell the W&Y that “The US was not targeting the communications of President Hollande any more than we usually do, nor as far as we know are the French trying to listen in on President Obama’s communications any more than they usually do. I’m shocked that they feel they have to say they are shocked”.

portrait_page_ministre_grandNews just reaching us – The British intelligence service has leaked transcripts of the portraitfinalconversation between French Foreign Minister Laurent Fabius and the US Ambassador to Paris Ms Jane D. Hartley after she was called into the Quai d’Orsay to be read the riot act.

The MI6 version says Mr Fabius could not have been more clear in his remarks – “Mais non Jane D. I insist! The Chateau Latour is magnifique, you must have a second glass.You can’t leave after just one glass or the press will not be able to report that you were kept for more than hour during a full and frank exchange’.

Ms Hartley allegedly responded ‘Suits me Fabbo – another one of these beauties and I’ll completely forget to brief the New York Times about how your intelligence service bombed the Greenpeace ship ‘Rainbow Warrior”.


2 Comments on "US Shocked at French Shock At Spy Shock."

  1. Mahatmacoatmabag | 3rd July 2015 at 3:34 pm | Reply

    France has never forgiven the USA, UK & Canada for liberating them from the Germans in 1944

  2. Stacey McGill | 3rd July 2015 at 4:38 pm | Reply

    While reading this I couldn’t help thinking: “never a truer word…”. It seems the French have their own Sir Humphrey Appleby at the Elysee. Nice one, Tim.

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